S02 Ep09: Preparing for the Relationship of Your Dreams with Mickayla Waldhauser, LGPC
-
We often hear people talk about planning their dream wedding or finding the partner of their dreams. In fact, this is a topic of many reality TV series and a common topic in therapy. In this podcast episode, I'll be talking with pre-marital couples counselor, Mickayla Waldhauser about:
ways we can prepare ourselves for the relationship of our dreams
the importance of investing in the relationship, not just the big day
the challenges of real relationships vs. the idealized ideas we have of relationships
If you're the person who is engaged or still looking for "the one," this episode is for you!
Follow Mickayla Waldhauser, LGPC
Website: https://lifespringcounseling.net/mickayla-waldhauser
Premarital Counseling: https://lifespringcounseling.net/premarital-counseling-in-maryland -
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (00:01)
Welcome back to the Dreaming and Doing podcast. I'm here today with Mickayla Waldhauser, who is a therapist at LifeSpring Counseling Services. Mickayla offers premarital couples counseling services, which is why she's here to talk with us today about the ever popular topic of finding the partner of your dreams. So welcome Mickayla.
Mickayla (00:24)
Thanks for having me, Melissa. Excited to be here today.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (00:27)
So Mickayla, we are recording this episode in November, which means that half of the commercials on TV are jewelry commercials for people who are thinking of popping the big question around the holidays. And I think one that there's a lot of pressure that couples feel this time of year, think one depending on where they are sometimes couples feel pressure around.
Relational milestones like Emma are we buying gifts this year? Are we meeting the parents and for couples who have been together for a while? That means like is this person gonna propose and I think a lot of people have these really Dreamy stories in their head about getting engaged around the holidays being able to show their family members that they are engaged And there's a lot of pressure around that around the holidays in particular, but I think there's a lot of pressure that people feel to meet
relational milestones, to have a partner, to get engaged, to get married. And so I'm wondering about your thoughts on this pressure people feel to find the one, to find the person of their dreams.
Mickayla (01:39)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's definitely real, you know, especially around the holidays. as you were talking about some of those, you know, like the way it looks sometimes, I was thinking just Tuesday, I think it was like earlier this week.
I had a session with a client in this stage of looking for a partner and we talked about what that means this time of year. And she actually said, you know, I've been doing this for a little while, but I think I expect that things are gonna kind of slow down with dating for the holidays because of these expectations and the way that things might.
come up by starting a relationship and there's all this like, yeah, like you said, are we buying each other gifts? Like, are we meeting families if we're just starting out and there's all these questions and so like we see a dip in that because of the pressure and because of the unknowns. Yeah.
Yeah, I see it a lot with, you know, like you said with the ring commercials and, you know, noticing things like that in like my personal life with family and it's just, you know, a huge question. You know, the holidays, think over time, historically have become a lot bigger than they were even like, you know, 50 or 100 years ago, like everything is commercialized, everything's romanticized. And yeah, there's a lot of
expectation around like the magic of it all and that plays into like relationships and expectations there. So it can be tough whenever those things are not they don't they don't go how someone expects. Yeah, yeah I definitely see it.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (03:31)
Yes, and that's going to lead into some of the other questions that I have for you today on this topic, of maybe ways that relationships or this particular type of relationship can be idealized. How does that impact us and our expectations? But firstly,
You know, you provide therapy services and you also provide premarital couples counseling services. And you've been really, from the time that I've known you, you've always wanted to do couples counseling, but that is not something that everybody wants to do. A lot of therapists are like, nope, not interested in doing that. What makes couples counseling something that you've always been interested in when other people are like, absolutely not, not wanting to go there.
Mickayla (04:18)
It's hard to put it into words, like why it's really always resonated with me. I think there's a huge part of me that sees what happens when relationships kind of get on autopilot and it's just something that seems default to some folks.
I learned, well, more so like when I was studying for counseling in graduate school, how much like going to therapy and learning about your relationship and yourself as an individual in a relationship that can really improve, you know, a romantic relationship. And I figured, you know, if there are resources there and if there are things that can be done.
I feel like couples should look into getting some support at some point in their relationship. Yeah, I don't know. I think we're made for relationship with other people in communities and in families and romantic relationships. So there's this natural draw to be close to other people, which also means that there's conflict naturally as people are different.
working through that and learning how to live in a relationship in all these contexts, but also, you know, my, like my particular desire being with couples just really opens a new door to insight and growth and everything that helps make relationships last a long time, which is good. Like I'm a firm believer in long-term, like healthy partnerships, and I think it's good for individuals to go through life with other people.
So it's just, I don't know, sometimes it just feels like a no-brainer to me that like that should be a thing available to people and if I could be a part of offering that, you know, I wanna do that.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (06:22)
Yes. Now you and I both know from some of the trainings that we've done that on average couples wait six years before seeking out couples counseling to work on their relationship. And if someone's waiting six years, a lot can build up. A lot can happen over a six year period of time. So you can imagine that things can be pretty intense if they've been going on that long and we've waited a long time before seeking help.
Mickayla (06:33)
Mm-hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (06:49)
and you in particular are trying to intervene earlier. Like, let me catch these people early on in their relationships from the minute they're saying, I do to engagement, you're trying to catch them to say, let's start working on some skills now. So talk with me about the reason that you're so passionate about catching couples at that particular stage in their relationship.
Mickayla (07:13)
Well, like you said, you know, a lot of times the belief about therapy is that, you know, it's only something that like can or should be used when, you know, there are issues that...
we can't figure out ourselves. Like whenever, you know, we've tried everything we can and then that's like the last resort. And by that point, you know, there's probably a lot of damage that has been done and, you know, there's a lot of hurt and loss about, you know, hope and everything that happens in a relationship. So getting ahead of things is, you know, a lot better to...
to just take a look at some things in relationships that couples might be ignoring. I would say, like with this step of marriage or even For couples who are wanting to take a step of moving in together, in both ways, we're joining lives together. we're taking two people who came from very different
backgrounds. even if you know, on paper, their families of origin seems similar. Every family has different customs and the individual brings that like brings expectations about, you know, what marriage is and what they should give and what they should get out of it. And whenever there's conflict, sometimes, like it becomes personal. And I think with premarital counseling, we look at just
the different backgrounds, we look at what each partner is bringing to the table in terms of expectation, conflict styles, attachment styles, things like that. to just say, we are two different people and it's okay that we're different. getting ahead of everything with a facilitator to just talk about how you wanna go about handling problems really helps to just minimize the chances of separation.
I wish I could pull up, there's a statistic on the prepare and rich site. Maybe we could pull it up later about the impact of premarital counseling on relationships, that it significantly decreases the risk of divorce. And I don't know anyone who goes into marriage wanting that. So yeah, it's proven through evidence that it works and that.
relationships are usually better off when you get ahead of the issues and just talk about it.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (09:56)
Yes.
Now, if we could backtrack just a little bit, Mickayla, you know, I'm thinking about people who are single and they really, really, really want a partner, right? Like, again, sometimes it feels like it seems like it feels so painful, right? Like at our office, we have a lot of love is blind fans, right? And if you're watching any type of like dating reality TV show, like people really want a partner and it's so painful to not have the partner that they're looking for.
Mickayla (10:01)
Mm-hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (10:26)
And a lot of times I think when we're talking about the partner, people are thinking about the kind of partner that I want is this kind of person. They have these particular qualities. And maybe one of the things that we don't often look at is we're focused on the partner of my dreams, right? But maybe we're not focused on what exactly do I need to be doing to be working on myself, to be focusing on myself and to make sure that I am ready for a relationship, right?
we're gonna be half the relationship. And whatever we bring to the table is going to have a big impact on that relationship. So I'm wondering for people who are single, really wanting a relationship, but they don't have it right now, what are some things that you think those individuals can be doing to prepare themselves and to make sure that they're ready to bring a healthy dynamic to a relationship?
Mickayla (11:12)
Mm-hmm.
Melissa, I love this question. I love it because I'm working on this with some folks right now. And there's a lot that individuals can do to help prepare themselves and get to know themselves better. Obviously, first, highly recommend to be seeing a therapist regularly, just to be having a regular time where they can carve out of their schedule to do the work of getting to know themselves best.
Let's see. We talked about values a lot in our office and how important it is to have conversations with clients about their values. I would recommend if someone's in therapy to ask the therapist to do some work about values and figuring out what the main important things are for them in life. Because if they find...
you know, top three, top five values, and that could be things like, you know, I really value security, I value family, community, know, spontaneity, things like that. You know, those are the things that are most important to them. If we have that before going into dating and relationships, we're much less likely to kind of like,
compromise on those most important things because I also see a lot of times, you know, if someone's in front of you and you know, you really are liking the way things are going, but maybe there some big issues, you might start to tell yourself, you know, like, you know, like, I really value, I use the example of travel, I really value travel, but this person really likes staying home and likes consistency and routine.
And even though we kind of clash there, I really like them. And maybe I can just forget about what's important to me basically because I really like this person. And then they end up in a tough spot whenever those things come up. So values are great just to have that before even getting into anything of what is most important to me.
And then being okay with having deeper conversations with people as you're dating, as you're getting to know your partner better to see like, do these things align? And if not, what do we do about it? You know, is there any sort of, is there space for everything to kind of come into play at once? Or do we, you know, do we reassess where we're at? So values is a big one. I would also say attachment styles is a big one as well.
you know, that comes up a lot in conflict with the push and pull that we sometimes see with relationships, maybe in conflict, one person is pursuing and one person is distancing, that's your attachment style coming up. So yeah, that's another one to look into, just like history of conflict styles, like are we conflict avoidant? Do we get loud when we're upset? Do we retreat? Do we cry? Do we...
you know, appease the other person, like what comes up whenever we're feeling threatened or like we're disagreeing with someone else. Just knowing how you show up in relationships is really good. You know, ahead of time to have a self-awareness so that whenever those things come up, you know, you're able to look at what's going on a little bit more clearly. So there's a lot, there's a lot that people can do beforehand to work on themselves.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (15:01)
Yeah.
And I'm over here laughing a little bit as you're giving that example, because I think I used a similar example in talking about our search for office space at our office, right? And so for people who are listening and have no idea what I'm talking about, we are currently looking for new office space for our office. And I have some boxes that I really want to check, right? I said, this is what I want for our team. This is what I want. And I happened to come across a space that was dropped.
Mickayla (15:13)
This is...
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (15:32)
dead gorgeous. was like more gorgeous than I ever could have imagined was ever possible. And now did it check all of our boxes? No, not the practical ones that were on my list. It didn't, but because it was so absolutely beautiful and gorgeous, I noticed that I started to compromise a little bit like, well, you know,
Mickayla (15:36)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (15:56)
That is a thing that we can figure out. We can figure out how we're gonna make sure that that bathroom is clean. Even though I didn't want a bathroom in this space, we can figure that out. That's figure outable. Or this other thing, we can figure that out. And what I came to realize is I was doing that thing that people do when they're dating, where they're like, but they're so cute. I don't care if they live in...
Mickayla (16:15)
Mm-hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (16:20)
you know, Minnesota, that's fine, even though I didn't want a long distance relationship, they're so cute. I can, I can make that work. I can hop on some flights. So I absolutely hear with you that it's important that we know what are we looking for. So that way we're not just kind of being willy nilly and starting to compromise on the things that are most important to us, which can be tempting. So we got to get clear on,
Mickayla (16:27)
Hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (16:50)
ourselves first.
Mickayla (16:51)
Yeah, especially when, you know, like if you find yourself in a situation where you've kind of neglected that a little bit and like you could be, you know, in a marriage or in a living situation, you know, years deep and then realize like, we've been ignoring some really important things and then just the hurt is so much tougher. There's so many more roots that you have to untangle when we ignore things in the beginning. Yeah, I agree.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (17:20)
Yes, paying attention to those red flags.
Mickayla (17:22)
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (17:24)
Yes. So I love that. You know, the other thing that I'm thinking about, I think it was listening to an audio book and they were talking about, you know, finding a partner, right? And you're talking about values, right? So if I'm saying I really value family, right? And if I'm thinking about myself and we look at our values aligned with our actions, if I say I value family, is that actually showing up in my actions personally?
Or if I say, value fitness. Well, am I showing that I value fitness in my actual life? Or if I'm like, well, I want a partner who's fit and exercise is that's what I want to my partner. Like, well, am I doing that? Am I doing the thing that I want in my partner as well? And if I'm not, then how do I take a look at that and work on that for myself before finding, you know, before requiring or expecting that of a partner if I'm not meeting that expectation myself.
Mickayla (18:22)
Absolutely, yeah, making sure your actions line up with that. and when we're in relationships and when we have these conversations with, even as we're in the beginning of dating someone or if it's a long-term relationship, we should be looking for that in the person we're with too, like do their actions line up with what they say or are they just trying to tell me what I want to hear sort of thing.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (18:45)
Yes, and we always pay attention to the actions. That old adage, actions speak louder than words is really huge. So, you know, focusing on ourselves, right? Getting clear on what we want in a partner, paying attention to red flags. You know, once couples decide this is my person, I feel like we're aligned, we've had all the hard conversations or we've had the important conversations, this is who I want to be with.
Mickayla (18:51)
Mm-hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (19:14)
They get engaged, they start planning their dream wedding. so, you know, wedding requires a lot of time, it requires a lot of energy. Sometimes, you know, we have words like bridezilla, right? Sometimes the emotions maybe don't always bring out the best in us when we're in that process.
Mickayla (19:31)
Mm-hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (19:38)
But I think also we can, you know, there's the risk of getting so carried away in those details of the big day that we forget about focusing on the relationship. And so I'm wondering what are some ways that couples can continue investing in their relationship during that period of engagement where they're, maybe their focus goes to the wedding and all of the planning, and then they kind of lose sight of like, what is the most important thing here?
Mickayla (20:08)
So I've got two things. Keep it simple. First is, although you're probably very busy with calls and meetings and showings and everything for the wedding itself, and you probably have work and whatever else you're trying to do, I highly recommend to continue going on dates with your fiance and giving yourselves permission to put wedding talk, like leave it
home, put it away and just get to know what's going on in their inner world. You know, the Gottmans talk about love mapping. I think that's a really good idea to just continue to check in with your partner on how they're doing and remain a team. So dates, you know, frequently as often as you can to just, you know, still enjoy the season that you're in, although it can be really hard to enjoy the season of engagement, which is something that
As someone who's been engaged before, I didn't know. I thought engagement was like fun and wonderful and exciting and you get to dream and there's some of that, but it can be really stressful. just continuing to be a couple. Were you gonna say something?
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (21:18)
Yes, well on the note of stressful, I'm wondering, can you talk a little bit about the stress? Because I think that that's really common for people. I think there's this idealized vision that we have of, or this expectation, like when I'm engaged, it's gonna be like this. And there's this fairy tale idea about what engagement is like, or even what marriage will be like. And then people get engaged.
Mickayla (21:25)
Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (21:43)
And I think they realized like, like fairy dust did not fall from the sky. It's not feeling magical. This is actually feeling kind of stressful. feels like there's a lot of pressure. Can you talk a little bit about that stress and pressure that people might be feeling?
Mickayla (21:59)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Yeah, so unfortunately, you know, I don't know of any I haven't spoken to anyone who hasn't done the whole thing of like, spending their whole life like dreaming about their wedding day and having, you know, so many ideas of what to include and how they want it to look. You know, so we have such such brilliant, beautiful plans and thoughts and then when reality hits, there's almost immediately at least in my experience, there are compromises that have to be
made and that can be really tough whenever you've been looking at things looking away for a certain way for a while. Hello!
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (22:42)
And if you're like, what is that noise in the background? We have a little baby with us. It's not Mickayla making that noise over there.
Mickayla (22:49)
No, it's my daughter. Yeah, okay, so where was I? The expectations and everything. you know, like with your budget, like weddings are getting more and more expensive. And, you know, something that we thought might have worked even five years ago is, you know, we need to totally reconsider with those sorts of things, dates, you know, just like the details of
working with vendors and trying to make puzzle pieces work together, there's that element of things.
Then there's the element of other people's expectations like family, even like your bridal party. I have a client right now who I'm speaking with who's engaged and there are expectations.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (23:29)
Hmm.
Mickayla (23:39)
there are expectations from friends about what they want the wedding to look like or what they want their involvement in the wedding to look like. And it's tough when you care about these people and they care about you, but juggling the balance of wanting people to be involved and wanting support when others have expectations as well. so.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (23:45)
Hmm.
Mickayla (24:05)
There's a lot of conversations that I'll have with clients about boundaries and communication when those things come up. Yeah, I think that sort of thing is also really stressful for a lot of folks. Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (24:19)
Yeah, and as you're talking that is a theme that I'm hearing that, you you've mentioned that before of like, you know, the team keeping the focus on the team. And I think even as people are wedding planning, right, there might be some beliefs about who gets to plan the wedding. that, does that, is that.
expected that the female is going to be doing the wedding planning or that they're going to have all the responsibility, right? Is this a team approach? Who else? What third parties, parents, friends, is there room for them to have a say or not, right? And making sure that the partners are aligned in all of the decision-making.
Mickayla (24:41)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah, and I'm glad you brought that up too. This feels like such a pertinent conversation with a lot of like the work that I'm doing lately. I also see sometimes like even within the couple, a little bit of a discrepancy in, I guess, labor regarding a lot of wedding tasks. You know, so for example, one partner, you know, like they'll they'll divide the things that need to be done, but maybe one partner
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (25:16)
Mm-hmm
Mickayla (25:26)
is taking on more of the tasks that involve
more a mental effort and planning, know, like, like thinking about a lot of things. And then the other partner might be the one who's doing the easy stuff, you know, completing payments, you know, things that you kind of just log in, make a payment for a deposit and then log out. And I think it's important for couples to be having like open and honest conversations about the stress of some of those
those duties and you know if if there is a discrepancy or some kind of imbalance in you know like this partner is taking on a lot of the easy stuff this partner is taking a lot of the more difficult tasks how do we talk about that and try to balance things out if there's anything that you know partner B can be doing to take pressure off of partner A if there's an imbalance there.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (26:24)
Yeah, and I'm just thinking about how that is kind of maybe an early reflection of what will happen later on in the relationship, right? And as couples are navigating the wedding, are we communicating clearly about expectations? Are there assumptions that are made about who will do what? Are there expectations? Maybe a female partner expects that they're gonna have the most say, or maybe a male partner expects that they're just gonna...
Mickayla (26:31)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (26:50)
They get to sit back and maybe the female partner does not want that right? Are there expectations that aren't communicated? Are there assumptions made? And that like that emotional labor that isn't always seen is also something that happens once couples are officially married, right? Are we speaking openly about what has to get done in the home? Who's responsible for keeping up the home for paying the bills for?
Mickayla (27:09)
yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (27:19)
child care, how are we delegating that? We often talk about allostatic load with women, right? And so thinking about this big task of planning the wedding and some of the challenges that come up and how that translates to life as a married couple later on.
Mickayla (27:25)
Mm.
Mm hmm. Absolutely. Yep. Yeah. And in the blog that I just sent you earlier, I guess yesterday or today, I talked a little bit about that and about the division of labor, like mental load and everything. And this is not sponsored, but there's a little bit of a plug for the Fair Play method and the Fair Play book. I don't know if you've heard of that.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (27:57)
I have not.
Mickayla (27:58)
Okay, okay. I believe the author is Eve Rodsky, I believe. But she talks a lot about this. She wrote a book about it. And she came up with a card deck game that's available on Amazon for couples to use. And every card has a possible responsibility or like, you know, a chore that typically comes up in households. And the idea is that couples can sit down and go through the cards and talk about who is going to be taking on that responsibility. And
talk about what it entails, know, all those sorts of things. there are ways to have a conversation and I think it's definitely necessary to do that because you're right, it comes up a lot.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (28:40)
Yeah. Now the other thing I'm wondering, you know, when people are engaged, there is the stress of having to plan a wedding. But I also think that there is a different type of stress that individuals feel that they might not always share publicly. I see it come up in therapy sessions where, you know, it's confidential. Like we don't get to share the information with anybody else. But one of the things that I see come up for individuals who are engaged is like,
Is this really my person? They've already said yes, they've got the ring on their finger, but now that they're engaged and they're actively involved in wedding planning, now all of the questions are coming up because it feels like such a big decision to say yes on that wedding day. And am I making the right decision? Is this my person? And I think that all of that questioning comes up, stresses people out. And because there are questions, it makes them wonder, is this my person? Am I making the wrong decision?
Mickayla (29:10)
Hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (29:37)
I'm wondering if you have any thoughts on that pressure that comes up, the questions that come up, or just ways that couples or individuals can work through some of those feelings of uncertainty that come up during the engagement period.
Mickayla (29:56)
Yeah, yeah, definitely some thoughts on that. I see it too. see it too. Yeah, when, you know, we, you know, finally take a good look at the relationship and there are things that either we were ignoring or that we were just kind of hoping would go away. It can be, it can be tough to discern, you know, like,
Is this a big question of incompatibility?
So, you know, like, are we are we compatible? And, you know, like, am I just kind of staying with this person because it's the natural next step?
Or like, am I committed to this person where like we are willing to like do the work to stay together, not in spite of our differences, but like with the knowledge of these discrepancies, which can be a challenge to discern for a lot of people. So I, you know, I highly recommend if you're in that place to be talking to someone, talk to a third party professional who can facilitate some of those conversations.
go to premarital counseling. I think I had another thought about that, but that's what I'll say about that.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (31:08)
Yeah, and I like the word that you used, right? Like is this upcoming decision creating questions, right, about whether or not I've been settling for some things, maybe I haven't been acknowledging some things that are problematic in the relationship, is that the reason that questions are coming up or are questions coming up because this is a really big decision and I'm just nervous about it and that's it.
Mickayla (31:35)
Mm-hmm. Yes, that was a thought I had too. Yeah Yeah, yeah, it can be hard to discern that but also it's always better to You know if you feel like you need more time to reassess your wedding date to you know extend your engagement or even You know like hold off on that if you're noticing that you have really big questions coming up It's always better to give yourselves more time to really think about the stuff that you're taking and
you know, really taking that very thoughtfully or to even, you know, if it ends up being like breaking off an engagement, then to be married and to, you know, go through all of it just to find out later on that, you know, that might not have been the wisest choice, you know, because you have a lot more investment and everything, obviously, after the marriage happens.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (32:27)
Yeah, now when it comes to premarital couples counseling or couples counseling at all, I mean, I have my opinions on this, but sometimes I hear judgment when people hear, you're going to couples counseling? you're going to premarital couples counseling? There must be problems. And I'm wondering if you have any opinions on people who might.
show a little bit of judgment or make some assumptions about a couple based on their decision to pursue couples counseling.
Mickayla (33:01)
Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of that is understandable given history. You know, I think it's only like a little bit more recently in the past maybe like decade or two that therapy is becoming normalized. It's not as taboo as before. You know, yeah, like I think therapy has in the past been considered something that is like I mentioned earlier, a last ditch effort or you know, something that happens whenever there are serious issues in a relationship.
or with an individual even, you know, with your mental health. But in reality, that's just not the case. It's, you know, it's available for everyone. you know, we, it's so easy to, when you're in a relationship, for things to really become in a vacuum, just with the two of you, you know, even like family and friends aren't unbiased. Like they already know you, they have relationships with you. And so,
you know, as much as I do condone like talking to friends and family about your relationship and getting wisdom there. Therapy is one of the only places where you can get unbiased support, which is also educated and well trained to help you see things in your relationship that you might not be seeing, or blind spots that just have been, you know, going unnoticed for a while. So yeah, I just I just don't agree with with the notion that it's, you know, an indicator of anything going wrong.
especially premarital counseling, which is supposed to be a preemptive check and support to strengthen your relationship before taking that step. It's very proactive.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (34:41)
Yeah, I agree. And I think the same for individual therapy, right? A lot of the clients I think who come to see us at LifeSpring are people who are really self-aware. They're conscientious people. They care about the world. They want good things for the world. They want good things for other people. But it takes self-awareness to seek therapy in general because it's...
Mickayla (34:45)
Mm-hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (35:02)
saying, recognize that I'm not feeling great and I want to feel better or I want to be growing. And I think the same thing for people who seek couples counseling. It's an acknowledgement that we recognize that there are some things that could be better or that could be stronger. And we wanna be really intentional or even proactive in working on them. Like, for premarital couples counseling, being proactive before there are big issues.
but just touching on some things proactively before there's some kind of big fire to be put out. So I would love it if more people saw saw therapy from that angle or even couples counseling from that angle. Yeah, yeah. And it can be really great for couples. So, Makayla, I am wondering,
Mickayla (35:37)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Yeah, as a sign of health.
Mm-hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (35:58)
I ask everyone who comes on here, what is a big dream that you have?
Mickayla (36:05)
Okay, does it have to be professional related? Hmm. Okay, okay. The, okay, so the first thing that's coming to mind, I would love, and you probably, I think I might have told you this once, but I would love one day to open a mini golf course with my husband. I think that would be so fun. It would be so fun. Yeah. Yeah, he would do the,
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (36:08)
Totally up to you. It doesn't have to be.
I love that. I love that. Yeah.
Mickayla (36:34)
the boring stuff. He would do the construction and maybe the business side of things and that sort of thing and I would design it and figure out how I want it to look and we would hire high schoolers and it would be their first job. We love mini golf, we went on a date to a mini golf course I think last weekend and we're just big fans of that so I think that would be really fun.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (36:36)
huh.
Yes, I love that. think that sounds really fun and you are a great designer. So I have no doubt that it would be super, super cute.
Mickayla (37:11)
Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (37:12)
Well, Mickayla thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for bringing little baby May with us. And I'm going to put your information in the show notes. So for anyone who is wanting to learn more about Mickayla, you can check that out in the show notes. I'll include a link for premarital couples counseling services with Mickayla. And she's got some really great blogs, including some on questions to ask while you're engaged or before you're engaged. So if you're interested in that topic,
Mickayla (37:18)
Mm-hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (37:40)
be sure to check that out and we'll be talking soon.
Mickayla (37:45)
Bye.
Other resources mentioned in this episode:
>> Counseling Services for Marylanders
