S01 Ep27: How Your Mental Health Impacts Your Ability to Dream and Do (Part 2)

EntrepreneurshipHealth

May 14

Written By Melissa Wesner

It wouldn’t be right for me, as a therapist, to let this month go by without recognizing and discussing that May is Mental Health Awareness Month!
In last week’s Part 1, I discussed how our mental health has the ability to impact our ability to “dream.” This week, I’ll be discussing how our mental health can impact our ability to “do!”
In this episode, I’ll be discussing:
• Ways that our mental health impacts our ability to do (function)
• Under-functioning, and struggling to take action
• Over-functioning, and constantly striving to do more
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Starting Therapy Podcast: https://bit.ly/4aldcH5
Fill out this interest form, so you can be the first to know about future retreats: https://bit.ly/49ZB16Q
Read about the Greater Baltimore Clinician Community Membership that’s opening up soon! Email melissa at melissa@lifespringcounseling.net to get on the waitlist: https://bit.ly/3UhFhcd
Seasoned Clinicians Peer Consultation Group with Melissa's team: https://bit.ly/4dfg7DD
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (00:01)
Welcome back to the Dreaming and Doing podcast. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. So we've been talking about ways that your mental health impacts your ability to dream and do. Last week, you may have heard me talk about ways that your mental health impacts your ability to dream. And as I was reflecting on last week's conversation, I had a little moment with myself. I caught myself and reminded myself that I had my...
kind of own experience last week of recognizing that I too was struggling to dream big and think ahead. For me, the reason was that I had been really busy feeling really overwhelmed and because I had a lot of unexpected stuff coming across my desk that I had to deal with. And when we're busy and overwhelmed, it's like our creative juices get all used up and thinking ahead to our next big thing in the future feels really overwhelming because we just need to get.
through today. So I just want to normalize that experience a bit because as I mentioned last week, our mental health is fluid and sometimes our life circumstances influence how emotionally and mentally well we're feeling. If this resonates with you and your experience right now, do what you have to do to get through the stuff that's keeping you busy or overwhelmed while also being mindful of creating opportunities for you to rest and breathe while you can.
Fortunately, I feel like some of those big things that have been on my to -do list unexpectedly are resolved. And so I am starting another week feeling a lot more refreshed than last week. Today, however, we are gonna be getting to part two of our conversation where we'll be talking about ways that our mental health impacts our ability to do.
because this is a two -part process, right? Dreaming and doing. And as you already know, dreaming is really important and many people tell me that it's the doing part in particular that they struggle with. In the mental health space, we often refer to someone's ability to do as their ability to function. When our mental health is shaky, we sometimes start to struggle with doing or functioning.
And it's important to remember that if that is you, you find that you're having a hard time focusing, completing tasks, getting things done, or maybe you've even found that daily hygiene activities like showering or brushing your teeth feel impossible. If that is you, stay out of the judgment zone. That's sometimes one of the first places we go, judging ourselves. People say all sorts of awful things about themselves, like I'm lazy.
I'm broken. Rather than going there, because that's actually not helpful, you can use that as an opportunity to recognize that you might need some support. Depending on where you are with your mental health, remember it's a range and we all have mental health. You might need professional support from a therapist to get some new coping strategies or education about what you're experiencing. You might need medication.
Or maybe in less severe cases, you might need a day to let your body rest so you can recharge, get focused, and take action on your goals or even your to -do list. So for today's topic of how mental health impacts your doing, I want you to think about doing as under -functioning or over -functioning because we can see both things happening depending on what's going on in our lives.
depending on what's going on in our mental health and also sometimes depending on who we are in our own personality style. As you're listening, I want you to think about your own tendencies. When life gets stressful, do you tend to be someone who under functions or someone who over functions? Under functioning is where we are having a hard time taking action. Perhaps you have a to -do list with items that need to get checked off.
and you just can't. You look at your list, you keep thinking about the list, the list keeps stressing you out, but you take no action because you feel so exhausted or so overwhelmed, so anxious or so depressed that you just can't. Perhaps there are things that you need to complete at work and you are not making headway because you feel like you can't think straight or you're having a hard time focusing. In this case, you might find that
that you're a lot less productive than usual and completing any parts of your task feel like a real push. In the case of under -functioning, here are three tips. One, rather than judging yourself and getting mad at yourself, let the difficulty you're having be a sign to you that you need support. And please don't be the person who knows that they need support but won't go and get it.
Sometimes we feel embarrassed or ashamed because I should be able to do these things. That type of thinking isn't helpful. Getting support can look like asking your boss or your coworker for help on a project. It can look like telling family members at home that you're having a hard time and asking them for support while also being very specific about the things that they can do that would be helpful for you. It would be really helpful to me if you could do the laundry.
or if you could do the dishes. And if you've been in this place for a while, where doing has been a struggle, that's a sign that it's time to get professional support, right? In that case, it's not just this passing thing that's here for a week. If it's been lingering, then it's time to get support from a professional. So go ahead, schedule an appointment with a mental health therapist. They have lots of strategies that they can recommend to help you out.
and they can refer you to a psychiatrist if they think medication would be helpful. Again, there is no shame in acknowledging that you need support and in going out to get it. Tip number two, when we've been struggling to do for a while, things start to pile up. In my experience,
What happens is that things pile up and then one day you get a little boost of energy and say, you know what, I'm going to start tackling this list of things to do. Then you look at the pile of stuff and you suddenly become flooded with overwhelm as you look at this huge pile. After all, the pile of stuff is pretty big and overwhelming by now because that's what happens when you've been putting things off for a while. And.
Rather than getting started, you get overwhelmed and you throw the towel in and go back to doing nothing. So I like to remind people that doing something is better than doing nothing. If you can get one to do things off your to -do list, great. Go do those one to two things, cross them off your list. And in general, it feels good to cross things off your list to know that they're done.
So focus on getting one to two things done. Remember that tomorrow is another day and you can do another one to two things. That pile of stuff you have to do didn't accumulate overnight. Perhaps you've heard that saying, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. So it's the same thing with your now very long to do list. Just take one bite at a time.
And eventually your to -do list will be smaller and more manageable. And if you're the person who's overwhelmed by all the things that you have to do, but you don't even have them written down on a list yet, then writing your list is your first step. Make the to -do list with the most important items that need to be completed. Sometimes when we write things down, it feels more manageable. We realize,
that we have less things than we thought we had to do and it frees up mental energy because holding information in your brain takes up space. And so we wanna get it out of your head, put it on paper and go ahead and write that list. Tip number three, take opposite action. Sometimes we don't feel like doing something and so we don't.
In the English language, there's a sense that we don't have to do things that we don't feel like doing. I mean, how many times has someone asked you if you did something and you responded with something like, nah, I didn't go because I didn't feel like it. The reason we didn't do something was that we didn't feel like it. But there are plenty of times in life when we have to do things that we don't feel like doing. And when it comes to our mental health,
If we think that we can just wait to feel like it, we are in for a big surprise because we may never feel like it. If we make our decisions based on about doing, based on whether or not we feel like it, we may never take action. When it comes to our mental health, sometimes the feeling we want comes after we complete the action. For example,
I am not the person who loves going to the gym. There will probably never be a time when I feel like going. Do I feel better after going? Yes, I feel better after because I moved my body and because I feel accomplished for going. It's the same thing with other actions in your life. You may never feel like going to see your dentist or going to get a colonoscopy.
but you feel better after going because you get to check it off your list and because you know that your health is being addressed. So why am I saying this? I'm telling you this because there's a strategy called opposite action. Now, before I go further, please know that there are times when we just need to give ourselves permission to have a day to do absolutely nothing. If you've been running yourself ragged, it's possible that your body is slowing you down and saying,
No more because you've done too much. We'll be talking about that next. So if that, if you know that that's the case, then listen to your body and give it a day or two to rest. If you're the person though, who has given yourself like a month's worth of rest and it's becoming a problem, then opposite action is for you. Sometimes we need to do the opposite of what we're feeling. For example, if you feel like doing nothing,
then you need to do something. If you feel like isolating, then you need to push yourself to do the opposite, which is reaching out to somebody. You get the idea. Now, just remember, you're not going to feel like doing any of these things, but that's where you're going to remind yourself that I don't have to feel like doing it in order for me to do it. And remember, many times we'll feel better after we take the action.
All right, now it's time to talk about the over functioners. These are the people who do, do, do, maybe all of the time. When you're an over functioner, you might look and be someone who is super busy and super productive. Outwardly, that looks great. And people might even praise you for these behaviors. But you might also be exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed.
And if we're being real, real honest, there might be some other things going on below the surface that are driving your behavior. Here are some reasons that people might over function or do too much and some things that you can do to help. One, over functioning can be your attempt to feel in control. Over functioners are likely people who have an internal locus of control as we say in the counseling world.
They believe that while not everything in life is in their control, there are a lot of things that they can control. And so they try to do those things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all, first and foremost. So understand that. And sometimes though, when life circumstances that are truly out of our control pop up, let's say there's a really sick family member,
and their illness has left us feeling helpless. We might go into over -functioning mode by trying to take control of anything that is within our control around that situation. Taking control and doing in that situation makes us feel better while navigating a situation that truly makes us feel out of control. I know that I can absolutely be this person. When things get stressful for me at work,
My tendency is to work longer hours and to try to figure out all the things that I can possibly do to address the situation. If I'm being honest though, that is my coping strategy. And while it can sometimes have helpful and productive results, it's also exhausting and overwhelming. Over -functioning can be a distraction. It keeps us busy.
And it keeps us from thinking about things that we don't want to think about or things that we don't want to deal with. Have you ever started working longer hours because life at home with your spouse has been heated or strained? If you're the over functioner, start being curious about the reasons why you over function. Two, over functioning can be a reflection of our high achieving perfectionistic tendencies showing up.
Perhaps we're over -functioning because at the core, we have some personal insecurities that we might not be aware of. And because we're not aware of them, we're just striving and striving and striving to prove to ourselves and others what we're made of. Perhaps we're striving and doing because we so desperately need our own lives and our own futures to be vastly different than what we were experiencing growing up. Three.
Over -functioning can be a sign that you have difficulty letting go and delegating. Have you ever said, if I don't do it, nobody else will? Might as well do it myself because nobody else is gonna do as good of a job. If you have ever said those things, it might be an indicator that you have a hard time letting go of control and that you have a hard time delegating. One of the things I often hear people say is,
it would take me so much time to teach someone else how to do these things. So it just saves me time to do it myself. And so they never teach anybody else how to take on that task. And what I would say back to that person is, yes, it will take time to teach someone how to do the task the way that you want it done, but that's a short -term cost for a long -term gain. We have to think beyond the short -term cost of time and think about how much
time and maybe stress, it will alleviate from you in the long run and how much time it will save you in the long run. When we delegate, we also give other people opportunities to learn new skills and we give them an opportunity to rise up to support us and for us to experience what that feels and looks like when we get support. Number four.
Overfunction can be a reflection of beliefs you've absorbed from your family of origin or from a flawed system. Flawed in the sense that it only benefits some people. Perhaps you over function by working really hard because you've been taught that it's important to have a good work ethic. Is it good to have a good work ethic? Yes. And.
It's important to remember that there are plenty of people who work really hard in this world and don't get ahead because the system was designed that way. Think about people who work in construction or masonry. They work really, really hard. In these cases, hard work does not always equal the outcomes that many of us dream of as a result of that hard work. Number five, women are often over -functioning in their families because they've been told that that's what they need to do.
Women need to cook and clean and take care of the children, take care of the aging parents, all the while working their own full -time job. Can we understand why women might be exhausted? Even though many women work full -time, that doesn't mean that their labor in the home has shifted for many of those women. And as you can imagine, that impacts our energy, that impacts how we're feeling, it impacts our stress levels.
And so at times we have to question the systems that are in place that keep some people overworking or over -functioning and believing that that's what they're supposed to be doing. Sometimes we have to question the system and know that while we might not have the power and authority to change an entire system, we can use our personal autonomy to change the things that are not working for us in our own homes.
And I want to be clear, sometimes it's not the people in our home expecting us to do all the things. Sometimes it's our own expectations of ourselves, or sometimes it's the expectations that we've heard from society over the years that we've absorbed. If that's you, give yourself permission and authority to make the changes you need to stop over -functioning in your life. When we do that, that also can help our mental health, because over -functioning can be exhausting.
Outwardly, over -functioning is praised and is looked upon highly. look at Bob. He's the first one in the office and the last one to leave. But over -functioning creates stress and overwhelm, and we can feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. It can lead to resentment if you're saying yes to things that you don't really want to say yes to. So what we want to be promoting is a balanced life where we're not under -functioning.
and where we're not over -functioning. We don't want a life where we're not getting things accomplished and therefore feeling bad about ourselves. When we have structure in our day and we accomplish things, we feel productive and we find meaning in our day. When we're doing too much though, we burn out, we get upset at others, and we feel like we constantly need a vacation from the life we've created. A balanced life is what we're trying to go for here. So,
Now that you've listened, do you tend to be the over -functioner or the under -functioner when life gets tense or when your mental health takes a hit? How good of a job do you do to keep that balance in your life? As a therapist, I of course want to encourage you to seek out therapy if you know that you are needing mental health support.
I know that many people were not brought up talking about therapy and you might even be really confused about what therapy looks like. So know that you can always schedule a consult call with a therapist to ask them your questions. There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting support. In today's show notes, I'm going to be giving you access to a private podcast series that we created through my office called Starting Therapy. And it answers all of the commonly asked questions.
questions that we hear from people about starting therapy. If we want to be dreaming and doing, we've got to make sure that we are tending to our mental health. I'll talk to you soon.