S01 Ep12: Stop Talking About It & Do It: The 5 Traps That Prevent Us From Moving Forward With Our Dreams

EntrepreneurshipSelf-ImprovementEducation

Mar 5

Written By Melissa Wesner

Have you ever found yourself talking about something you’d really like to do, only to find that you never actually take action on it? Whether we’re talking about wanting to achieve a new goal, pursue a big dream, or discontinue an unhealthy habit, we can probably all think about things that we want to do but haven’t taken action on!
In this week’s episode, you’ll hear 5 common traps that we can fall into that prevent us from moving forward with our dreams. Of course, you’ll also get to hear some real and relatable stories of how I’ve been there too! And, I’m excited to share about one of my big dreams, and how I’m living into it RIGHT NOW!! In this episode, I’ll be inviting you to join me too!
Join me in Costa Rica in April 2024 (use the code DREAMANDDO when you register by 4/5/24 for a $200 discount!)
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (00:24)
Welcome back to the Dreaming and Doing podcast. If you've been following along, I hope you've enjoyed listening. We've had some really insightful and successful entrepreneurs on this show. So if you've missed any episodes, this is a great time to get caught up. For the month of March, we're going to be doing something a little different around here, but just for the month of March. I'm going to be releasing three short and sweet solo episodes each week to talk with you about some of the things that I've been thinking about.
and to share about some of the things that I'm doing. If you stay to the end of each episode, you'll get to hear some special opportunities just for listeners. And if you're the person who doesn't typically check out the show notes, I want to encourage you to do just that since we've been including some really cool free downloads each episode that relate to the topics we've been talking about. All right, so let's get started with today's topic, which is an encouragement to stop.
talking about it, whatever it is, and to start doing it by recognizing five traps that prevent us from moving forward with our dreams. So let me ask you, have you ever found yourself talking about something over and over because you thought it would be so cool to do? Maybe you talked excitedly about it, you kept talking excitedly about it, and then you did absolutely nothing.
That was me about one year ago. So let's go back in time for just a minute. I love learning. So a year or more ago, I signed myself up for a coaching program with a coach I admired and with female entrepreneurs who were incredibly successful. And this particular coaching program included retreats. So here I am on this one particular retreat where we're all literally
floating in the ocean, talking, taking in the view, taking in the experience. And as I'm floating in the ocean, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about how I would love to be hosting retreats similar to this one. I love hosting. I love planning. I love bringing people together in all of the elements involved in hosting, hosting retreats that is, except for maybe the marketing.
would be so much fun for me. So then the next retreat rolls around a few months later and I am still thinking about this and I'm still talking about this. And then finally someone who's been on these retreats with me says, Melissa, I think you're experiencing paralysis of analysis because you've been talking about this since the last time we met.
Later on, another person in my program said, just make a decision. Any decision will move you forward. So I did go ahead and take that advice and I did go ahead and make a decision. So here I am almost exactly one year later, preparing to host my first international retreat for entrepreneurs and leaders in Costa Rica.
I made the decision to move forward because I knew that this would be something that I would absolutely love to do. But now I want to know about you. Is there a thing that you've been thinking about doing for a long time, but you just haven't taken steps to move forward? Is there something that you've been talking about doing for a really long time and everyone around you knows just how much you want to do it, but you just haven't given yourself
permission to move forward? If so, I want to share about five things that I think can prevent us from transitioning from dreaming to doing. So maybe you're like me in the example above. Perhaps you too have been experiencing paralysis of analysis because you're a bit of a perfectionist who sometimes over thinks things and because you don't want to make mistakes. You want things to be perfect.
you know your time is limited and you want to make sure that your time, energy and effort will pay off. So I want you to ask yourself, is that me? Is paralysis of analysis and perfectionism and overthinking, are those things stopping me from moving forward? And if so, I just want you to make note of that. And maybe there's another part to that. Maybe sometimes it's not.
paralysis of analysis alone, but perhaps the reason that we don't move forward is because we fear failure. Fearing failure is such a big one for so many people and it prevents so many people from stepping out and pursuing their dreams. Will you fail if you move forward? Probably at some point. As you've often heard people say, we have to crawl before we walk.
And when babies are learning to walk, they definitely fall a few times. We don't look at babies falling as failure though, right? Because eventually babies do inevitably learn to walk. If your failure has been keeping you from stepping out into your dreams, just remember that sometimes failure leads us in the right direction. We learn when we fail. Think about inventors or people who do experiments.
Of course, they want their experiment or their invention to work, but when they don't and when they fail, that failure gives them information that they didn't have before that they need in order to make tweaks for the next time around. If the fear of failure has been holding you back, I want you to ask yourself, what exactly am I afraid of? What would be the worst possible thing that could happen if I fail? And whatever that is.
Ask yourself how bad that outcome would actually be. Chances are that outcome might not be as bad as we make it out to be. And also remember that there are ways that we can mitigate or limit our risk. And if you're going to ask yourself that question, then of course you should also ask yourself, but what if I succeed? What then?
For others, it's not just spearing failure as an outcome. People get stuck because they want to play it safe, they want to limit risk, and because they don't want to step out of their comfort zones in general. And unfortunately, growth does not happen in the comfort zone. It happens when we stretch ourselves a little, and we don't have to stretch ourselves so much that the alarm bells start going off in our body, but we do have to be willing to stretch ourselves a little bit.
In these cases, we have to ask how important is this dream to me? What is more important to me? Staying in my comfort zone, knowing that I gave myself permission to step out and try, and knowing that the only way I will ever know if I'll succeed at my dream is if I try. So we have to choose at some point, choosing to stay comfortable or choosing to step out. And we have to ask which one is more important to us.
But know that staying put, staying in your comfort zone means never knowing if you will succeed. And if you've ever read studies about people's life regrets at the end of their days, one of the big regrets is the what ifs.
The other thing that can stop us from pursuing our dreams is timing. And timing can be a tricky one because while I truly believe that there are occasions where timing really does matter and where it's important for us to have a pulse on timing and is this a good time for me right now? Is this the time when I can be most successful in pursuing my dreams? There are also occasions where we can use timing as an excuse. To give you a seemingly unrelated example,
many times as a therapist, I'm helping people initiate hard conversations in their relationships. And even though we've covered all of our bases in discussing the conversation, how to start the conversation, how to have the conversation, how to set the stage, there are many, many times where people tell me that they didn't follow through with the plan, sometimes for several weeks, not following through with the plan, because of timing. It just wasn't the right timing.
And in reality, these cases are not necessarily about timing, but rather our own fear. Sometimes we just need to accept that the moon and the stars aren't always going to align so that things are perfect when we initiate the hard conversation or when we take a scary first step. So if you've been blaming your lack of movement on timing, I encourage you to ask yourself if that really is the case or...
if that's just what you've been telling yourself because in fact you're just scared to take that first step. So the last thing that I want to talk about that can stop us from pursuing our own dreams is our self -talk. Have you ever talked about how much you'd love to do something and then when someone actually starts encouraging you to go for it, you start talking yourself out of it and telling yourself all of the reasons why you couldn't or
Perhaps you know that in general, you have a critical inner voice that tells you you won't succeed. Perhaps you've absorbed negative messages that you've been told while growing up and now you lack the confidence or don't believe in yourself. Or perhaps you have a deep core belief that others can be successful, but not you. Or maybe that's not in store for you. Or maybe you have some variation of those beliefs that you know all too well.
We all engage in self -talk. It's not just something that some people do. We all engage in self -talk. We just have to be aware of the kind of self -talk we're engaging in and how that makes us feel and how that also influences our behavior. If this is a trap that's been keeping you stuck, recognize unhelpful thought patterns and be intentional about the way that you speak to yourself. Be sure to speak words of encouragement, support,
and confidence in your abilities. So if you've been the person who's been thinking about a dream, talking about a dream for longer than you'd actually care to admit, what is stopping you? Is there something that you heard me talk about today that resonates with you or your experience? Is it paralysis of analysis and perfectionism? Is it fear of failure?
Is it that you really like your comfort zone? Is it timing or is it yourself talk? Or maybe it's something else. Whatever it is, I want you to think about how you can begin taking one small step to get some momentum going and to help you move in the direction of your dream so you can take it from dreaming to doing. Remember, I love dreaming and doing is the other part of this equation.
So as I wrap up here, I can't help but feel grateful for the people who were in my coaching program. Sometimes you sign up for the coach and find that the information and insights you get from fellow participants is just as valuable, if not more. Sometimes we need people around us who will reflect back to us what they're seeing in us. And the people in my coaching program did just that for me.
and they encouraged me not to overthink things and to make a decision. So here I am preparing for my retreat in Costa Rica. What was only a dream one year ago is about to become a reality. And if you'd like to be a part of seeing me fulfill this dream, then I invite you to check out the retreat I'm hosting. It's a six day all -inclusive wellness based business retreat for entrepreneurs and leaders in the beautiful
jungle of Costa Rica. We are going to be staying at a private retreat center where we have incredibly unique lodging options, gourmet meals, gourmet coffee bar, these experiences that people just cannot access anywhere. And we're going to be having time to build community, relax, unwind, and be mindful of our own well -being and how that relates to
our success in our work. And if you are interested, I encourage you to check it out. I've got a special code in the show notes for listeners. It's dream and do, and it will give you a $200 discount on registration when you sign up by April 5th, 2024. So check out those show notes. You can check out what I've been doing after I've made a decision to say yes.
one of my dreams and if you'd like to be a part of that know that I would love for you to join me. I'll talk to you soon.