S01 Ep13: Learn to Signal, So You Can Survive and Thrive!

EntrepreneurshipSelf-ImprovementEducation

Mar 6

Written By Melissa Wesner

When we think about pursuing our dreams, the conversation can often be very personal and focus on the things that we need to do as individuals to make our dreams a reality. In this episode, however, we’ll be talking about how we can leverage community and let other people support us when we need it the most.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• The importance of signaling
• How you can signal in your personal, professional, or entrepreneurial life to get the support you need
• To take risks for the sake of surviving and thriving
I love the concept of signaling, and I hope you’ll find it helpful too!
Join me in Costa Rica in April 2024 (use the code DREAMANDDO when you register by 4/5/24 for a $200 discount!)
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (00:24)
Welcome back to the Dreaming and Doing podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me today because I'm going to be talking about a topic that I believe can be really challenging for those of us who are incredibly independent. To be clear, I'm really talking about myself here, but it's something that can be really hard for me, and that is letting people know that I need help and then asking them for it. I don't know about you,
But for me, asking for help can feel excruciatingly painful. I really don't want to have to do it. And you know what else? I know that I am not alone in this. There are so many times when I am talking with people and they're surrounded by people who know that they're going through a hard time and they're saying, hey, what can I do to help? And sometimes we have a really hard time receiving help, so we don't tell them. Or sometimes we just don't know what we need.
But like I said, I know that I am not the only one who is sometimes super independent, sometimes doesn't let other people know that I need help, and sometimes has a really hard time letting other people come on in. So as wise people would probably say, hyperindependence is not really healthy.
and it can sometimes be a coping or survival mechanism that people have developed over time. Whatever the reason though, if you're a super independent person who does not like reaching out for help, this is the episode for you. So let me tell you a little story. A few years ago, I attended a really great business program with other successful small business owners.
One of our assignments was to complete this exercise in which we were told that we were on a sinking ship and that we had to decide which 10 items from the ship we would try to keep with us for survival. We then had to rank those items in order of importance to us and our survival. What we didn't know was that people who actually know what they're talking about,
They completed this exercise also and they completed their own list of the most important items and the order of importance. Now, I'm about to give the answer away in just a minute. So if you don't want the spoiler alert, you might want to pause. And if you are wanting to complete this exercise for yourself, pause now, go find this exercise, complete it, and then come right back. So anyway,
If you're an everyday person with zero training in boats and safety, it's very possible that the item that the professional selected as the most important item to save. It's very possible that it did not make your top 10 list. So what was the most important item you ask? That item was a mirror. Yes, it was a mirror.
The most important item that you could save from the sinking ship was a mirror. Why? Because apparently a mirror is a very powerful tool for survival in that the sun's reflections can go a very long way out to signal for help and for your ultimate rescue. The moral of the story,
that we weren't doing this exercise, so we need to grab a mirror if ever we were on a sinking ship. Although that's a very valuable piece of information. The lesson from this example for us as business owners was that when we're in danger, when the ship is sinking, that we need to signal and we need to ask for help. So think about all the business owners during the pandemic. They had to quickly pivot and they had to...
signal and they had to ask for help in order for their businesses to survive. But you don't have to be a business owner to use this lesson. If you're someone who has been stressed, depressed, burned out, overextended, sometimes we need to learn how to signal for help. We need to let others know that we're struggling or that our ship is sinking and we need help.
This might mean that we have to learn how to let people help us, even if their help isn't exactly the way that we would do it. Perhaps we need support in the form of a listening ear from a friend, or maybe we need our family members to help us out more around the house. Sometimes we might even need a professional, like a medical professional or a therapist. So if you're the person who needs help, you're struggling to keep your head above the water,
or perhaps you're struggling to keep your business afloat, don't let your pride get in the way if you need help. Let the people around you know and let them know exactly what kind of help you need. And if you see somebody else signaling for help, be the person who recognizes that your friend, family member, or colleague is sending out the bat signal. When you see that someone else is signaling for help,
Be the person who responds. And I want to be clear here. There are times where you see that someone is signaling. They're trying to let other people know that they need help. And there are times that people are sending out a signal and they don't even know that they're sending out a signal. That means they need help because they have a blind spot and they cannot tell. But you know your friend, you know your family member, you know who they are and you know that however they're showing up right now, however they're acting is just not them.
And so you see that signal that is sometimes sent unknowingly. And so when you see that signal, be the person who responds. Don't be the person who pretends like you don't see it. Just mind in your own business. But especially when someone asks you for help, be the person who tries to say, how can I help? Again, in a way that feels appropriate and fitting for you. So I know that
talking about sinking ships sounds kind of extreme and it sounds kind of desperate, but signaling for help doesn't have to be something that we only do in dire situations. It's actually a strategy that we can use when we need help pursuing our dreams. That's why we're talking about this right here, because perhaps we need help because we're trying to get to a new level and we're not sure how to get there. We might need help from someone who knows how to do the thing that we don't know how to do.
To give you an example, I was recently watching a video that one of my friends put out on Facebook. He's an entrepreneur and is a really cool person overall. And he was telling the story about how he had this really big idea and that he just knew that he needed to talk with someone from this very specific company in order to share his big idea. And the reality is there are not very many companies out there who do this particular thing. So.
The only problem though was that he didn't actually know anyone who worked for this company. And to his knowledge, he didn't know anyone who did. So what he decided to do was to tell everyone about his big idea and to tell them that he needs to meet someone who works at this particular company. And wouldn't you know that eventually he was on a group call where he shared his story about, I have this big idea and I really need to meet someone who works at this company.
And wouldn't you know that there happened to be someone on that group call who knew someone who worked for that company. This is an example of signaling. My friend needed help. He needed a very specific connection. So he kept signaling and signaling and signaling by putting his need for help out there. And he eventually got the connection that he needed. So as you can imagine, signaling means risk.
It means putting yourself out there. After all, if you are signaling so someone can find you and help you, that can be really vulnerable. And unfortunately, there may be times when you find people who discourage you or kick you while you're already down, rather than respond in a way that is appropriate and helpful if you've just seen that someone has asked for help. As a therapist, I often hear that people are afraid others will think they're crazy if they reach out for help.
Perhaps sometimes they think they're weak if they need counseling services. If you know that you need help and there's someone who is discouraging you from getting it, we really need to question that person. What are they getting out of your continued suffering? Does you not getting help protect them in some way? Like if you go get therapy, then people are gonna know about the stuff that happened in our family.
So know that the people who have your best interest, not theirs, the people who have your best interest at heart will want to see you succeed. They want to support you. They want to help you. And I want to give you a very recent real life example of what it means to be unsupportive when someone sends out the signal that they need help. So don't view this person.
I recently saw a really open and vulnerable post from a talented entrepreneur who unexpectedly found themselves in a position of needing more money than originally estimated in order to close a deal on their dream home. So they did what any motivated person would do and they sent out emails to their clients and potential customers to let them know about their services and this great offer they were putting out there. On Facebook,
They shared the story of their dream home and how they were offering their services at a much discounted rate in order to build the extra revenue that was unexpectedly being asked for in order to close this deal. And you know what happened? This person received a lot of supportive messages from the people who recognized and understood the signal for help. Even if they weren't able to purchase, they still sent messages, words of encouragement.
And of course there were people who also went ahead and purchased services. But there was this one person who sent them a DM saying, desperate isn't a good look on you. If you just gasped, that would be a totally appropriate response because that's such a terrible thing to say. This person felt inclined to go out of their way to put someone down when they were clearly trying to make a way for themselves so they could pursue their dream.
I was happy to see that the people who commented on this post reframed that person's comment and said, that's not desperate. That's being determined. So friends, my question to you is, are you determined? Are you determined to pursue your dream and to succeed at it? Then I encourage you to pull out that mirror and signal when you have to.
I hope you just heard that. If you are determined, then I encourage you to pull out that mirror and signal when you have to. I understand that it might feel vulnerable to signal. It might even feel embarrassing to signal. But if there's a dream that you are longing to pursue or a dream that you don't want to die, sometimes we've got to do the hard thing and ask for help and understand that there are people who do in fact want to help us.
There are people who would feel so good about being able to do just that. As a therapist, I believe in the importance of modeling behavior. I think modeling behavior is important for parents and it's important for leaders. It's one of the reasons my retreat in Costa Rica is a wellness -based retreat for leaders because leaders need to model health and wellness for their teams and for their clients. So I've decided that I'm going to model behavior in today's episode.
by putting my own signal for help out there. As you know, this is my very first international retreat for entrepreneurs and leaders in Costa Rica. And we are going to have an absolutely amazing time while we're there. You already know we're gonna have gourmet meals, luxury lodging, unique experiences like beach mandalas and blue clay experiences by the waterfall. And as amazing as all of that,
sounds and will be. This is still the first time I'm putting this retreat out there. So I am going to ask for your help. If you are an entrepreneur or leader who wants to model wellness and self -care for your clients or your team, then I'm inviting you to join me on this journey in Costa Rica. If that's not you then I'd love your help in spreading the word about this retreat.
You can help me spread the word by sharing the retreat link with the company leaders at your job. You can help me by sharing posts about the retreat on social media. You can tag your entrepreneur friends on social media, or you can send them an email with the link in whatever way you're willing and able to help know that your support absolutely means the world to me. As I mentioned last time, I've got a special code just for listeners in the show notes.
so you can get a $200 discount on the retreat when you register by April 5th. I don't encourage waiting until the last minute, but so take a look at the show notes for the retreat link and use the code DREAMANDDO to get that discount. If you decided to take action after listening to today's episode, please let me know how things turned out after you signaled. I know you can do it. I'll talk to you soon.