S01 Ep14: Traveling Light: Leaving Guilt Behind

EntrepreneurshipSelf-ImprovementEducationTravel

Mar 7

Written By Melissa Wesner

Have you ever stopped yourself from pursuing an exciting opportunity because you thought that doing so would be selfish? Or, have you ever stopped yourself from pursuing your dream because you felt guilty for pursuing something that was for yourself, and doing so would take away time, energy, or resources from the other people in your life? If so, this episode is for you!
In this episode, you’ll hear Melissa talk about:
• Ways that guilt that can show up as we pursue our goals
• Ways that guilt can impact women in particular
• Ways that we can distinguish between true, valid forms of guilt vs. unnecessary guilt
I’ll be keeping it real with you and sharing from my own personal experiences and my own experiences working with others! We’ve got important decisions to make about how we live this life, so I hope you’ll find this episode valuable! Let’s travel light and leave unnecessary guilt behind!
Join me in Costa Rica in April 2024 (use the code DREAMANDDO when you register by 4/5/24 for a $200 discount!)
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (00:24)
Welcome back to the Dreaming and Doing podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me today for this episode because today's topic is one that I think a lot of people can relate to. While this podcast is about dreaming and doing, the reality is that the doing part of our dreams can sometimes stir up unexpected feelings like guilt. If you had asked me two years ago if I ever struggled with feelings of guilt, I definitely would have told you no. But...
Then I took advantage of some really amazing opportunities and let's just say that guilt made itself known loud and clear. In today's episode, I'm going to be talking about two potential scenarios where you too might need to let go of guilt in order to pursue your dreams. See if you can find yourself in scenario one.
When I first started my counseling career, I worked at a drug and alcohol treatment facility for seven years. There was this worksheet that I used to use with my clients called Climbing Mount Recovery. Now, one of the key points that I really liked about this worksheet was the idea that our recovery is like a journey up a mountain and that like an actual journey hiking up a mountain, it was important for us to prepare and to pack appropriately.
If you're hiking up a mountain, for example, you don't have the space or energy to bring the entire kitchen sink with you in your backpack. So you've got to pack only the most important essentials. One of the things that this worksheet talked about were the emotions that weigh us down, like guilt or shame. These emotions are heavy. They zap our energy and eventually they just weigh us down.
which is why they cannot come with us on this journey. If you're preparing to pursue a new dream, I encourage you to get started by doing your own inventory. Are there things that you've been carrying around that have been weighing you down? And if so, it's time to name those things. What are those things that you've been carrying around that have been so heavy?
And perhaps you've been carrying them around for so long, you don't even realize that they're on your back anymore. But as we're having this conversation here, if you're listening and you're thinking about something that has been weighing you down, but you've just been carrying it, then I'm going to encourage you to set it down. I mean, just imagine feeling the weight coming off your shoulders when you take off that back.
pack of heavy emotional burdens that you've been carrying and notice how much lighter it feels when you let go.
Does this scenario sound like something you need? If so, I hope you found this concept helpful, right? If you're going to start out on a new journey, then we need to bring only the essentials with us. And some of these things that are not helpful, they have got to go. And perhaps it's not just emotions that you need to leave behind. Perhaps there are other things that have to go as well.
So I want to give you another scenario to see if you can relate to this one. These are some scenarios where I've seen guilt show up for myself and even for other people. So I'm going to share some personal stories and I want to know if you can relate. So remember those amazing experiences I mentioned at the start of this episode? Well, those amazing experiences were these absolutely incredible.
incredible business coaching retreats that I got to go on. I had a coach whose mission and vision I really admired and I got to surround myself with successful, ambitious, and confident female entrepreneurs as well. And the places where these retreats were held were unlike any of the places where traditional counseling trainings were held. They were incredible. And I promise you, they are not places that I would have found on my own.
They are not places that I would have sought out on my own. I didn't pick the venue. I just signed up for the coaching program and I went wherever they told me to go for these retreats. And every time I would get ready to go on one of these retreats, I would start to feel really guilty. I would feel guilty that the people who worked at my counseling practice could not come with me. I felt bad that I was leaving to go on these retreats while they were back home working.
I really wanted them to have these experiences too. And if I'm being honest, I also worried that they would think I'm off having a blast, i .e. not working while they were left to work. This theme kept coming up for me and the people on retreat with me would hear me talk about this a lot. So much so that one of the participants was like, Melissa, you have to stop feeling guilty. Like stop it. I don't want to hear it anymore. And in so many words, she was saying,
This is your business. This is your work. Being here is your work, right? And the reality is that learning to move my practice forward is in fact my job. Being a visionary as the owner is also my responsibility. All I kept thinking about however, was how I wanted people on my team to have these experiences too. So finally, one day as I was preparing for yet another retreat,
I had a little talk with myself and I was like, Melissa, you are not going to feel guilty. You are going to go away and you are going to have a great time. And on this particular occasion, my partner was going with me and we were headed to Portugal for a marketing retreat. This was going to be his first time ever going to Europe. So naturally once we boarded the plane and got settled in, I turned to him and I asked him how he was feeling about going to Europe for the first time.
And do you want to know what his answer was? He turned to me and he looked at me and said, he felt guilty. He felt guilty because his mom and his dad and his sister and his nieces in Mexico were not getting to have this particular experience. I just couldn't believe it. I finally got myself to a place where I was determined not to feel guilty. And now.
My husband, my travel companion was telling me that he felt guilty. It was like I could not escape guilt, not my own, not his. It was just following us around on these retreats. So since that time, I've come up with the phrase travel guilt, which I have defined as the feeling of guilt that comes up for traveling and leaving others behind. And you know what?
Now that I'm hosting this retreat in Costa Rica, I can also see how this comes up for others. There are people who feel guilty for leaving their families for a whole week. And so they don't sign up. And there are people who feel guilty for leaving their office for the week, either because it means they'll lose out on money that would benefit either themselves or their family, or because they feel guilty about leaving their clients for a whole week. There are people who feel guilty for spending money on themselves or for taking time out for themselves.
Feeling guilty for taking care of yourself, for spending money on yourself, or for taking time out for yourself can be particularly common and challenging for women. As women, we often make our decisions not based on what's best for ourselves, but based on what is best for others. We are raised to be nurturing and thoughtful of others.
We're not necessarily taught the importance of taking care of ourselves in whatever capacity that is, taking care of ourselves by pursuing an educational opportunity, taking care of ourselves by practicing self care. There are many ways that we feel guilty for taking care of ourselves. I mean, how many times have you heard moms talk about mom guilt? Have you ever heard anyone talk about dad guilt?
I don't know about you, but I sure haven't. And so you can see the dilemma that sometimes arises when we have opportunities to pursue our dreams. Will we pursue the dream or will the guilt that shows up stop us from pursuing it? And so I ask you, what is your dream and have you been going for it or have you not pursued it because you feel guilty about it? Is there an opportunity that has presented itself to you?
And if so, have you gone for it or have you declined before because you felt guilty or because you told yourself that accepting the opportunity or pursuing the dream would be selfish? So many times I hear people say that they feel like it would be selfish to do something for themselves. And so again, I ask you, will you pursue your dream or the opportunity that's staring you in the face or?
Will you let feelings of guilt stop you? Will you allow an inaccurate belief that it would be selfish to pursue your own dreams to stop you? I don't have that answer for you, but I know that it's important to travel light on this journey of life. As a therapist, I really appreciate emotions. But the one thing that I ask people to consider is, is this emotion serving you?
or helping you in some way or is it not? For example, when it comes to guilt, it is in fact a helpful emotion when we feel guilty because we've done something wrong. Feeling guilty when we've done something wrong helps make sure that we don't repeat a regrettable behavior again in the future. If we've done something that harmed ourself or others,
and we feel guilty, that feeling of guilt is like, hey, you know what? That didn't actually feel so good. Maybe we shouldn't do that again. You don't really like this feeling. But if our guilt shows up when we haven't actually done anything wrong, that's when we might not want guilt to influence our decisions. If unnecessary guilt is stopping you from pursuing your dream, or if unnecessary guilt is stopping you from taking good care of yourself,
then I hope that you will remember that you matter. Your wellbeing matters. The pursuit of your dream matters. I'll be heading to Costa Rica really soon and I'll be traveling with the people who are determined not to let guilt sit at the steering wheel of their decisions. If you'd like to join me on that journey, know that we're traveling light. We're going to leave guilt behind and say yes.
to six days of yes to ourselves, yes to rest, yes to relaxation, yes to good company, good food and amazing opportunities. But mostly we'll be saying yes to ourselves, yes to our wellbeing. And don't forget, you'll save $200 off registration when you use the code DREAMANDDO when you sign up by April 5th.
2024. We are leaving our trip is April 14 through April 19. I'm super excited. And if you have been checking out this retreat and you've been looking at it, and if it keeps coming on your radar, tune in and see if this is something that you really feel called to do. And if so, know that I would love to join you. And if guilt is showing up for you, no.
that you have some tips to help you determine if that's something that you want holding you back or if that is something you are able to let go of. I look forward to talking with you really soon. Have a great week.