S01 Ep16: Permission to Pursue Your Own Dreams & Why It’s Not Too Late

EntrepreneurshipSelf-Improvement

Mar 13

Written By Melissa Wesner

Are you the person who is regularly encouraging others to take action on their dreams? If so, this episode is for you! In this episode, I am encouraging all of the cheerleaders and dream supporters to check in with themselves to see if they are actively pursuing their own dreams. There are many reasons why we may not have been able to pursue our childhood dreams, and there are many reasons why we may not be giving ourselves permission to pursue our present-day dreams.
In today’s episode, however, we’ll be talking about:
• What it looks like when we are supporting others’ dreams but not our own
• Ways that pursuing our own dreams can benefit ourselves and others
• Self-reflecting on your own dreams and ways that you can begin taking action now
You’ll also get to hear some behind the scenes stories about how I have challenged my own family members to pursue their own dreams too. If you are a parent, today’s episode is most definitely for you!!
Join me in Costa Rica in April 2024 (use the code DREAMANDDO when you register by 4/5/24 for a $200 discount!)
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (00:24)
Welcome back to the Dreaming and Doing podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me today and I'm really excited about our topic and know that I would love to hear your thoughts after we're finished here. A few weeks ago, I was listening to a podcast where someone asked the host how they can inspire others to follow their dreams. I found this to be an interesting question and while I don't know this to be true, my guess would be that the person
asking the question was a woman. Why do I think that? I think that because women are regularly thinking about other people and how they can support others and moms are the first people who come to my mind. When I hear the question, how can I inspire others to pursue their dreams? The question that comes up for me is, are you pursuing your own dreams?
person who is asking that question? Are you pursuing your own dreams? Or are you the person who is just cheering others along, telling them how they should be pursuing their dreams because they can do it and they'd be amazing at it? Don't get me wrong. We all need cheerleaders in our lives and we all need people who believe in us in our lives. I mean, that was the topic of my last podcast episode. There's tons of value in that.
If you're a cheerleader in people's lives, keep doing that. Here's what.
if you have been pursuing your.
This, my friend, is our topic for today. Permission to pursue your own dreams and why it's not too late. Here's why. I believe that one of the best ways that we can inspire others to pursue their own dreams is by pursuing our own. When we pursue our own dreams, we inspire other people, we show them what is possible, and we show them that it's okay to pursue our own dreams.
do this.
not just sending the message, I believe in you but I don't believe in me. Or I want you to pursue your heart's desires but I feel too guilty to pursue my own. Or perhaps I don't feel guilty about pursuing my dreams but I believe that supporting you in the pursuit of your dreams is more important than supporting myself in the pursuit of my own dreams. Anyone thinking of parents here? Let's think about this. Can you
of any parents who tell their children that they can become anything they want to be but they don't actually believe that for themselves? Perhaps you are that parent. You see so much potential in your children and you believe in them and what they're capable of but you struggle to see your own potential and your own abilities. Or...
Do you know of any parents who live their own dreams through their children? Those are the parents who wish they had the opportunity to go to dance class when they were a child, so now their child is enrolled in all the dance classes. Or maybe they didn't have the chance to go to college because of finances or lack of support, and now they are regularly talking with their children about academics and the importance of going to college. I bet you know some people like this. And...
In fact, you might be that person. Now, neither of these things are inherently wrong, of course. If you believe in your children and you support and encourage them, know that there is so much value in that. If you were the person who did not receive that kind of support during your own childhood, you already know how important that is, and that's probably why you're doing that for your own child. You probably also know the pain of not having that
And there's nothing wrong with signing your child up for things that you wish you had the opportunity to experience either. It's a good idea to make sure that your child does in fact want to be in the class you've enrolled them in. If you force your child to go to dance class when they really want to be in karate, that might not be such a great experience for your child. Forcing someone to live your dream when it's not their own dream is not actually so fun.
So why are we having this conversation you ask? Because there are so many people who did not have the opportunity to pursue their dreams. Perhaps you didn't get to pursue your dreams because your family just didn't have the money while you're growing up. Or perhaps your family didn't know how to support you or perhaps there was chaos in your home. And we're not blaming anyone for whatever the reasons were, whatever the circumstances were.
but whatever they were, right? Sometimes those things have an impact on us. And it's important to remember that you're still an adult who had dreams that you may not have had the chance to pursue. And so what I want you to understand now is that it's not too late for you to pursue your own dreams. So what I'm saying is, what if you did give yourself...
be like if you actually gave yourself permission to pursue
For example, what if you signed yourself up for the dance class because you still love dancing? Or what if you looked into taking classes at the community college because going to college was always your dream and perhaps you still find yourself thinking about what would have happened if I had had the opportunity to go to college? Why not find out? Or...
Maybe you're sitting here listening and you're thinking, you know, my dreams from the past are no longer my dreams. My dreams have changed. That ship has sailed. I used to dream of going to dance class and that's really no longer my thing. Okay. Well, what is your thing now? And are you giving yourself permission to pursue your
current dreams or do you still find yourself standing on the sidelines encouraging others to take action on their dreams?
from my own family.
Yes, I asked permission before sharing this. So one day years ago, I happened to observe a conversation that was happening in my own family. My mom was having a conversation with my sister and she was telling her about this international service trip that their church was offering. And...
My mom was saying, you should really go on this trip. I think you'd really like it. It would be a really good time and a really good experience. And as I'm watching this conversation go on, I am noticing that my mom is really adamant about encouraging my sister to go on this trip. And my sister is really paying her no mind. And she's not showing that she's interested in going at all. That didn't stop my mom from.
trying to persuade her to go on this trip and tell her how amazing it would be.
decided to insert myself into this conversation that didn't involve me at all and to share my observation. At this point I said if you are interested in this trip you do know that you can sign up for this trip right? And my mom then proceeded to give me about a bazillion reasons why she could not do it you know what if extended family member Bob or
extended family, Sally, what if something happened to them while she was away, what if something happened, all of these things that were really far -fetched, unlikely to happen, and by the way all these extended family members are grown -ups who like...
But all these.
you know, you can do it, right? Like the person who's not interested, they're probably not the person who should go. But if you are interested, then you can consider going, that's okay. So what happened? Well, my mom did in fact end up going on her first international service trip and she loved it. And she ended up going on more than one occasion. I don't remember how many times, but she's been on several and...
completely transparent. We did have to go through this little rigmarole each time like well I'm signed up but I don't know if I should really go because you know what if x y or z thing happens and so you know we had to go through that before each of the trips but ultimately she did go.
gotta talk ourselves into it and remind ourselves that it's okay for us to pursue things for ourselves. But I'm sharing this story with my mom's permission because I see so many people encouraging others to pursue their dreams but they've counted themselves out and they've forgotten about themselves and their own dreams and they've put their own dreams on the back burner and I don't want you to do that.
I see so many parents supporting their children's dreams, supporting their children's dreams with their time and their energy and their money. And sometimes this is at the parents own expense. When you tell yourself that you can't pursue your own dreams because you're forking out so much money to support your child's dreams.
If you
you are investing in.
then that is a big flag that we need to pay attention to because resentment comes when we've said yes to something that we don't want to say yes to and oftentimes we are the ones who put ourselves in that situation. We tend to blame the other person but really resentment comes because we have said yes to something where we have overextended ourselves and yes we can do that with people we love all the time.
So here are the two big things that I'd love for you to take away from today's conversation. If you are the person who is regularly cheering other people on and encouraging them to pursue their dreams, then I want you to do two things. One, I want you to pat yourself on the back for being an awesome person who cares about others and who sees their potential. That is amazing. I love that. That's valuable to the people.
And I want you to ask yourself if you are believing and acting on your own dreams to the same extent that you are encouraging others to pursue their own dreams. If you've been sending yourself or others the message that pursuing their dreams is important, but you...
check back in with yourself, dust off your long held dreams and think about giving yourself permission to move forward on some of them. You are not chopped liver my friend, so let's act like you are someone who truly believes in yourself just like you believe in the people around you. You have dreams, you have potential and it is okay for you to pursue them.
And if you are the person who has been living your dreams through other people or who has been
you to ask yourself what you are actively doing to take action on you.
And I know you might be sitting here arguing with me like, oh, Melissa, but that would cost money if I pursued my own dreams. You know, I have kids. Yes, I know you are supporting your kids' dreams financially and -
to know that what you're doing financially and emotionally to support your children is great and also that you are allowed to do the same for yourself. Seeing your children thrive and be happy as a result of your involvement can certainly be fulfilling and meaningful. And I want you to understand that your dreams still matter too. Living your dreams through your children is not the same as living your dreams. Your children's dreams
are not the same as your dreams. So please give yourself a great big gift and give yourself permission to pursue your own dreams. And in that way, you're pursuing your dreams, which means that we're not pushing our own dreams onto people who aren't interested in them. So I promise your children, whether they are a little or not, will benefit from getting to see you pursue your dreams. I'd also like to give a caveat. We're talking about
Pursuing your dreams with balance. I say this because I certainly wouldn't want anyone to listen to this and then start walking around like I'm doing this because it's okay for me to pursue my dreams too. Like you've now got a chip on your shoulder. That is not what we're talking about. We are talking about responsibly pursuing our dreams. Being a martyr who puts everyone else first at your own expense is not healthy.
not healthy for you and it's certainly not a fun time for the people around you. And being the person who pursues your own wants and needs at others expense is also not healthy and it's not fun for the people around you. So...
We are talking about pursu...
in a way that is respectful of ourself and our own dreams, but also mindful of others as well. If today's conversation struck a nerve, good, I think. If it did, I want you to ask yourself what this conversation touched on for you. And I'd love to know what you think. Have you been putting your own dreams off? Have you been putting others' dreams before your own? And...
What dreams are you willing to start pursuing? Even if that means signing up for a dance class, I'm serious. But really, I'd love to know. I'd love to know what are some of the dreams you've put off? What are some of the dreams that you still have? And what are some action steps that you're willing to take to start moving forward? As a reminder, I am hosting a six -day all -inclusive retreat for leaders and entrepreneurs in a most beautiful location in Coastal California.
If travel, rest, relaxation, and community with great people are part of your dream for 2024, I'd love for you to join me. If you are ready to give yourself permission to invest in one of your dreams, and if this is it, I will be excited to welcome you.
You can get all the details by clicking on the link in the show notes. I am really wanting to hear your thoughts after today. Feel free to find me on social media. You can get on our newsletter, send me an email. I'd love to know your thoughts and I look forward to talking with you soon.