S02 Ep03: Uncovering Your Voice & Desires Through Writing with Dr. Adina Silvestri

EntrepreneurshipSelf-Improvement

Oct 8

Written By Melissa Wesner

Writing can be a touchy subject for people. If you’ve ever determined that you’re “not a writer,” I’m going to encourage you to hold off on any of that labeling. As Dr. Adina Silvestri will tell you, writing can be a powerful tool to reflect, find your own voice, and uncover your deepest desires and passions.
In this episode, you’ll also hear her talk about solo writing vs. the power of sharing your writing in a group format.
If you’re up for giving writing a try, this is your episode!

Follow Dr. Adina Silvestri
Instagram: @lifecyclescounseling
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/adina-silvestri-a3214224
Website: www.adinasilvestri.com
Get Dr. Silvestri’s IFS Journal Here: https://tinyurl.com/ifsjournal
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (00:01)
Welcome back to the Dreaming and Doing Podcast. Today I'm here with Adina Silvestri, Dr. Adina Silvestri, and she's a licensed professional counselor with over a decade of experience. And she's passionate about empowering individuals to overcome challenges and reclaim their lives. She has training in hypnotherapy, brain spotting, internal family systems.
And one of the things that we're gonna talk about with her today is her interest in writing. So she is the founder of Writing Bravely, a course for using writing as a coping mechanism. And you're gonna find out soon that she has a new book out. So since this is the Dreaming and Doing podcast, this time around, we're getting to talk with people.
who are using creative modalities to allow people to tap into information that's maybe just below the surface. So welcome, Adina. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Adina (01:07)
Thanks, Melissa. I am so excited to be on your podcast.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (01:11)
Yes, and I forgot to mention that you too are a podcaster. So you've got all these things in your back pocket. talk with us though about this writing piece. You're a therapist, you provide individual therapy to people, but you're also an avid writer. Like for as long as I've known you, I've been hearing about the things that you've been doing with writing, whether on social media, this book that you have now, your groups.
Talk with me about your first exposure to writing. Like how did you get into it?
Adina (01:46)
Yeah, well, it was during the pandemic and I was just, I was looking for something to do, like all of us and just feeling a little isolated. And I found this writing group, Life in 10, which I don't think is in, it's not there anymore, but it was this writing group and you would join online and you met all these amazing people.
And you would just do these timed writing prompts for like an hour and a half. then you would, here's the kicker. You would do the timed writing prompt and then you had to share it with the individuals in the group. And there were some individuals that could write. I know we're probably going to talk about this today, but I mean, there were poets. It was a little intimidating.
but it was the best therapy that I could have possibly asked for at that time. It was just amazing. Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (02:54)
Wow, which is so interesting for me to hear too, because one, I met you during the pandemic. Yeah, so I met you during the pandemic, but you've been writing for as long as I've known you. And so I had just automatically assumed that you've been writing for like an eternity when really this is like a new thing that you've gotten into.
Adina (03:00)
yeah.
Well, I'll say that, I'll say this. I've been an avid journaler my entire life. I've always journaled, but to take it that next step and really dig into the emotions and the feelings and connect them back to memories. And then the sharing piece, which, you know, when you're a journal writer, you're not sharing your journal. So that was huge. And, you know, it just made you feel so much more connected and feel so less alone.
you know, with your struggles. So that was different. Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (03:46)
Yeah. So talk with me about writing, whether it was writing as like in your journal or writing in these groups. It sounds like it really stuck for you. So what was it about writing that you were like, I love this. This is my thing. Like what connected you to writing so much or what made you gravitate towards it?
Adina (03:53)
Yeah.
Yeah. Again, I think it was just that needing to feel less isolated and alone and wanting to connect with others and feeling like therapy at the time was too scary. It helps you to just go into these traumas, big T's, little T's, and tell a story about them.
you're a narrator with this process. And that was really, that was really exciting because you would you're able to just sort of take that story and sort of almost take your power back. And I could talk more about some of the research behind it. But but yeah, that was that was really exciting for me. Exciting is not the right word, but it was really eye opening for me.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (05:06)
Yeah, now I occasionally use writing prompts, like structured journal exercises and work in therapy with clients. And I find that there is often an initial reaction from people like, don't know what to write. I'm not a writer or there's some kind of like discomfort around it that shows up. And I'm wondering,
Adina (05:14)
Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (05:34)
maybe what you've seen, what you've seen with your own clients, your groups that you've been running, or even in the groups that you were participating in, what is it that you notice about people's initial reaction to the idea of writing?
Adina (05:48)
Yeah, some of them just don't like it. I have a men's group and in the first five minutes, well I think it used to be longer, but we've renegotiated. In the first five minutes of the men's group, I have them write. I have some individuals in there that are very much against it.
But I think, you know, after a couple of times of doing it, they haven't left group. yeah, the important thing is to let them know that you don't have to be a writer or a poet. You're getting, you're a reporter, you're reporting.
what you feel, you're reporting the story basically.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (06:53)
Yeah, well, and I'm thinking about, I think this was literally yesterday. I saw one of those masterclass advertisements. I don't know if you get those. Yes, I think like anybody who offers anything educational, whether it's like Mindvalley or masterclass, they all have been sharing my contact information. think all of their stuff comes on my feed. And last night was one of those nights where I'm seeing like a masterclass video.
Adina (07:02)
I love those.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (07:23)
And someone was talking about writing and how people often say, well, I'm not a writer. And to which she said, if you have pen and paper and to know how to write, you like, or just can write on the paper with your pen, you are a writer. And one of the things that I thought was so great is she's like, there's a very low, like, point of entry, right? Like if you have a pen and paper and you can write, then you can be a writer.
Adina (07:39)
That's great.
Mm -hmm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (07:53)
And I think about that with runners too. People are like, well, I'm not really a runner. I like don't run fast. And people are like, well, if you run, then you're a runner. And if you can write, then you're a writer or can be a writer. What do you think are some of the things that get in our way, right? That maybe initial opposition to the idea of writing.
Adina (08:04)
Yeah.
Hmm.
I believe that there's just this fear that it has to be perfect, that, you know.
It has to flow, has to sound like everybody else. No mistakes, I can't edit it. But really you want the raw copy, you want the unedited version of what you're writing. I'm to think of some other things that people have said.
Yeah.
think that's probably it.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (08:56)
But in my experience, even when people have an initial reaction or hesitation about it because maybe I'm not used to doing this or I find that the content that comes up is actually really meaningful, really interesting, really insightful. And you've been doing this for a while. Like you have groups, you've been in groups.
Adina (09:14)
you
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (09:20)
What is it that you find happens or what type of content, insights, understanding come from engaging in maybe a structured writing process or even maybe unstructured at that.
Adina (09:34)
Yeah, I think it's the afterword, the after of the writing of when you're putting the pen and paper down. Because, you know, think back to some of those high school writing classes that you took, or maybe you've attended a 12 step program where you're required to write. Think about how you felt afterwards. You felt like, you know, there was like a lift. There's like, wow, you know, I have more space now.
And there's just so many physical and mental benefits to writing that I can talk about as well that have been well researched. So, yeah. So, Panna Bakker, who's out of University of Texas, I believe, he's pretty much the one that everyone sort of is like the guru of.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (10:17)
I would love to hear that.
Adina (10:32)
of guided writing. He's published 200 articles and he talks about how there's a cascade effect when you sit down, when someone sits down to write the first time. So when you sit down to write, you're acknowledging, yes, this happened to me. And then you're going through this pivotal event, you're putting structure around the event, you're organizing it, you're labeling it.
And then you're starting to have these emotions and feelings associated with it. And towards the end, there's a pattern that starts to develop because you're seeing how is this event tied to previous things that happened in your life. And that's where the meaning making occurs. And so now that you're understanding it better, you're not constantly thinking about it, the cognitive load has lifted, you're sleeping better. And the research goes on and on to talk about
the mental and physical health benefits are are plenty after you're going through this. Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (11:36)
Yes, and I that part about sleeping better because that's one of the things that I'm often talking with people about is using writing as a means of getting things out of your head on the paper so you can go to bed.
Adina (11:42)
Yeah.
And I don't think that this has ever been expressed, but I know that it's happened with me. There's a real fear surrounding like writing down traumatic events because you're having to tap into it, right? Versus versus just like sort of intellectualizing, you know, you're using both parts of your brain and it's a full bodied experience. And so guess going back to your earlier question, that would be another thing that maybe isn't verbalized, but I'm sure is on.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (12:07)
Hmm.
Adina (12:22)
is on people's minds.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (12:23)
Yeah, I love that point. I know that in some of the journaling books that I have referenced, I know that sometimes the authors talk about having your grounding strategy. So that way, as you start doing the work, so whether that's containing your writing time by using a timer so that like, know that this is coming to an end, I'm not gonna be looking at this forever, or maybe having a picture of something that is really grounding, like a...
Adina (12:44)
I'm sorry.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (12:52)
pet, a loved one, or even a word or a quote or a phrase that brings you back to the present. And so I'm wondering what are some things that you might do in your work that helps people be grounded so that if they're like, wow, I'm going to a really dark place, I feel like I'm crawling into a cave and I need to make sure that I can come out of it. What are some strategies that you recommend to help?
Adina (12:57)
Anyway...
Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (13:19)
People make sure that they have a way to come back out. They're not getting caught up in difficult material.
Adina (13:27)
Yeah, so I do a lot of internal family systems work and with that work, we're tapping into parts that have been burdened and we don't need to go into the IFS work. But I will say the connection here is that there's always a meditation that I introduced beforehand.
I'm always talking to my clients about their safe space. Like where do they go? Where they feel the most grounded, the most relaxed, the most safe. And then just sort of pulling that in there and letting them know that they can go there anytime they want. So sometimes it's a cue that we talk about or they just will go there naturally.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (14:12)
Yes. So you kind of had mentioned that there's like journaling and there is structured writing. Talk with us about, for anyone who's like new but curious about writing, what exactly is the difference between journaling and like more structured or even therapeutic writing?
Adina (14:37)
Yeah, I would say that journaling or diary writing, as it sometimes referred to, is just talking about the day's events. You're just kind of like a listicle. This is what happened to me. And journal writing or guided, prompted writing is where you're writing down your thoughts and feelings from your personal experience and you're sort of reporting it back, like you're a reporter telling a story.
And so you're going through the full range of emotions, reactions, and perceptions that sort of detailing those events.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (15:16)
Yes.
Adina (15:16)
full -bodied. But when you think about, so when you think about therapeutic writing, I mean, we've been doing it for a very long time. I mean, just think about like the Holocaust survivors, right? Like they, in order to get over their trauma, not to say that, you know, we've experienced trauma to that level, but I mean, Victor Frankel wrote his best -selling book, Man's Search for Meaning in nine days. Nine days.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (15:45)
Hmm, I did not know that.
Adina (15:48)
Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (15:50)
Wow, that's incredible.
Adina (15:52)
Yeah, and actually the title, it was supposed to be titled, The Psychologist's Experiences of the Concentration Camp. That was the original title.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (16:07)
Yeah, and super powerful book.
Adina (16:10)
Yes.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (16:12)
Yeah, for anyone who's not Reddit.
Adina (16:15)
great book. But it just kind of goes to show that, you know, it's, it's a, it's very accessible and for anyone to get started and you really can move through and process emotions quickly. You know, right after.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (16:35)
Yeah. And so I'm kind of curious about just kind of looking at writing one on the individual level, but also on the group level, right? one of the things that I think about with writing, like I love a good sentence stem. I love a good writing prompts. Sometimes I'll do like therapeutic fairy tales or dialogues with your inner critic and your inner wisdom in session. but I love a good sentence stem.
Adina (16:39)
No.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (17:03)
exercise because I feel like sometimes if we're feeling like out of touch with ourselves, like a good sentence stem, if you're just filling in the blank with the first thing that comes to your mind, it just like pulls stuff to the surface so quickly when we might think like, man, whatever information I need is buried so deeply in my body. But sometimes with writing exercises, just pull it up so quickly, much more easily than we would have thought, right? Because we can access information.
So I'm wondering, even on this topic of dreaming and doing, how can we on an individual level use writing as a means of just tapping back into our passions, our desires, our dreams, if we're like, I don't know what that is anymore. I just feel like I've been on the hamster wheel. I've been so busy. I feel like I'm not in touch with myself.
Adina (17:40)
Mm
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (17:58)
What are some ways that people could use writing to just reconnect with themselves and reconnect with what's most important to them?
Adina (18:07)
Well, I think, you and I did this writing prompt together at one point a long time ago. And it's still a favorite of mine. So the prompt is the last time I felt free for people that want to test it out. You would just set a timer for seven minutes. You can do longer. I wouldn't do any less than that.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (18:24)
Hmm.
Adina (18:36)
and just sort of see what comes out.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (18:39)
Yeah, I love that question. Even right now I'm writing it down, right? Like what a powerful question. Like the last time I felt free.
Adina (18:49)
Mm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (18:52)
and just to be able think about what comes up with that.
Adina (18:55)
Yeah, I mean, I think about it all the time. You know, what my reality is versus, you know, what my dreams are, and streaming and doing. And how aligned I am with that currently, it's always, you're always making shifts, right? And you're always assessing and reassessing and evaluating. So.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (19:19)
Yeah, I love that. And I remember, I think what came up for me when we did that exercise, you know, it made me think about when I was an AmeriCorps volunteer, right? It was a time in my life when I was making like no money almost. I had a volunteer stipend. So it's not a time when I had like, I had steady income from my volunteer stipend, but it wasn't great income.
Adina (19:29)
you
Mm.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (19:47)
But I lived in community. I had great friends. It was kind of before we had phones with Like internet on them. You had to go to the library. We didn't even have internet in our house We didn't have cable in our house We have to go to the library if we wanted to use our computers or the internet And just felt like very little responsibility but lots of community little responsibility and I think so many times we stress about things like money and
We're just living freely on this little, on this little stipend.
Adina (20:21)
No, yeah, I love that. I often wonder if I could do a co -op living situation. I have some friends in Napa and they absolutely love it. And I'm like, can I do that? That would be really cool.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (20:38)
Yeah. I mean, I love that idea. One of my things I dream about having a little family commune and we like rotate turns cooking and mowing the lawn. So yeah.
Adina (20:51)
I'm with ya, I'm with ya.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (20:54)
Yes. So thinking about that on like an individual level and how we can use writing individually to just kind of reconnect with ourselves, like uncover what might we might be holding inside, what we might not have given space to be processed. But I'm also thinking about how that might be different from the experience of writing in a group. Right? Cause I heard you say, like there's also that sharing and it sounds like there's
kind of something powerful and moving that happens in the sharing. I'm wondering if you kids again, journalists like that is for me. That is not for anybody else's eyes, but writing in a group, there's maybe a very different thing that's happening. And I'm wondering if you can speak to that experience.
Adina (21:31)
Yeah, right.
Yeah, there's definitely a different thing that's happening. You know, I always say to the writing groups that I have is, you know, you're really taking a chance here. You're being vulnerable. But the cool thing about that is vulnerability begets vulnerability. And so you start to feel like this really cool chemical cocktail occurring inside you. And, know, you're just feeling if it's if it's across the screen, you're just which I usually do. Or if it's in person, you're just
feeling that even more so you're feeling that connection with other people, know, strangers, but people that sort of they understand, you know, they've been through something similar. And even if they haven't been, you know, you still feel that sort of love and compassion and yeah, it's very intoxicating.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (22:37)
Yeah, it made me wonder like whether or not you start to see any central themes come up in group members or even if it's a writing circle, but not for therapy. Like it's making me think about brain spotting intensives and your brain spotter as well. So if you are a brain spotting therapist, you can go and complete a brain spotting intensive, which is a five day training all day. And so you are both,
like practicing your brain spotting skills on another person. So you're actually doing brain spotting on other participants, but also you are observing everybody else as they are brain spotting someone. And what I found there, and I think that this is what I've heard is a thing that happens, right? Like you going into this intensive have to think about, what kind of work do I want to do on myself? Like what issue do I want to be working on? Cause someone's going to brain spot me two times.
Adina (23:37)
you
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (23:37)
So I have to have a plan of like, what am I going to work on during this intensive? And what I've found is that sometimes when you're observing and you're being fully present and you're witnessing someone else do that work, it also starts tugging at some things within yourself that you have experienced that are similar to what that person is processing. So even though you might've come in thinking, well, I'm gonna do my work on
Adina (24:00)
Yes.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (24:07)
X, Y, and Z, because of that dynamic of how the content connects with other people, you find that other people end up processing things that are like similar flavors, maybe about relationships, because we're all connecting. It's kind of stirring the pot of ways that we all connect with a topic. And I'm wondering if you ever start to see themes like that show up in writing, where it's like one person's thing taps into someone else's, which brings up their...
Adina (24:24)
Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (24:35)
something that is resonating with them or that they've experienced.
Adina (24:41)
Yeah, I definitely have seen that. think with the writing prompts, you know, I think it's a little bit more variable as to the what you're going to get. But but afterwards, after everybody shares, they're like, yeah, you know, I definitely and I've experienced this. yeah, I definitely I wrote about this, but I definitely could have wrote about that as well. So, yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (25:04)
Mm -hmm.
to kind of get some other things percolating a little bit.
Adina (25:09)
It does. Yeah, you're able to sort of make more connections than maybe you would have on your own if you were just one on one or one or with a therapist. Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (25:21)
Yeah, I love that. So you just came out with a book. Talk with us a little bit about the book that you just came out with and talk with us about what prompted you to write the book on this particular topic.
Adina (25:42)
Yeah, so I wrote a book called Writing Through Grief and Loss, an IFS journal for healing, shameless plug. I really do like the color. Yeah, and I wrote it for my clients. I wrote it for the individuals that I see. And yeah, it's been a couple of years of
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (25:51)
Beautiful.
It is very nice.
Adina (26:11)
prompt gathering and research in the making. And so I also wrote it to align with the different seasons because not everybody wants to work hard in every season of their life, right? There's gotta be ebbs and flows. And at least for me, there has to be ebbs and flows. so, yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (26:38)
Yeah, and so how can people find this book? If they're like, I'm in, I hear it, that sounds interesting. How can they find this book? And also how can they connect with you if they want to learn more about your work and the groups that you're running?
Adina (26:54)
Well, they can find it on Amazon. It's on Amazon. Writing Through Grief and Loss. You can just type that in. And how they can find out about me and the groups I'm working on is if they go to writingbravely .com. That's where the Writing Bravely groups will be posted. Yeah, and all my other contact information is on my website adinoslovastry .com.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (27:23)
Now, because I know that we are both therapists and we are guided by our licensure and who we can see and where, are your writing groups open to anyone anywhere or are they specifically for people in your state?
Adina (27:31)
Hmm.
Yeah, that's a great question. I would say that my writing groups are open to anyone, anywhere.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (27:44)
Okay, that is great to know so you can be in Wisconsin and if you want to be writing with Adina, you can be doing that. So that would be wonderful. Yes. Well, I always ask people, what is a big dream that you have?
Adina (28:05)
Yeah, I would say that a big dream that I have is to try, I love to travel, so I want to make it to all seven continents. That is a big dream, especially the Antarctica. Yeah.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (28:22)
and you are a traveler.
All right, so making it to all seven continents, awesome.
Well, thank you so much for sharing your love of writing with us today, for joining us. It is always good to hear about you and your work. And I love that prompt. And for anyone who's listening, you might be driving or you might be busy doing something, but if you just take a minute to write down that prompt about the last time I felt free, that can be your first opportunity to practice writing and see what comes up for you.
Adina (29:02)
it. Thanks Melissa.
Melissa Wesner, (she/her) LCPC (29:04)
Thank you for joining me and thank you for listening.